The Tragic Hero

     I am Mr. Henchard, the once powerful mayor of Casterbridge.  I am Oedipus, once a great ruler of Thebes.  I am the consumed Dr. Jekyll, once a man of great genius and accomplishment, now broken into a hideous, lowly creature.  I am Jay Gatsby, one whose rich and wellness had ended with selfishness for want of an even better life and future.  I am a tragic hero, who started from the bottom and worked my way up the ladder, just to fall down and break my neck.  I am Caesar, having climbed the ranks of society and power, only to be shoved back to the ground by my friends, even Brutus.
     Elementary school and junior high I worked so hard, and succeeded more than I could've dreamed.  I peaked at my freshman year; my last year of junior high.  That's when everything began to go down hill.  I started at the bottom of the school chain again, as a sophomore.  I tried my hardest to gain the power I had left behind at West Point, and I gained a bit my junior year, but then senior year- my final year-  I have quickly descended the rungs of the ladder so much so that I am very nearly buried already in the cold, hard ground, and it hasn't even been a semester!
     It hurts sometimes.  I'm embarrassed a lot.  I'm stressed a lot.  And I spend most of my days wanting to hide my face and erase everything that has happened.  But I can't.  So I proceed with my days trying to ignore those facts, acting like nothing happened, moving on to the next thing and waiting to embarrass myself all over again.
     What rough lessons I am learning from watching myself and a certain friend swap places. I am Henchard, and they are Farfrae.  I use to be the kind, respective Mayor, but now they are.  They have become everything I was in ninth grade, and I am left to be a poor old man hiding out in a cottage, trying to escape the dreadful things following me.  I feel as if everything I have worked so hard for, everything I have earned, everything I have ever cared about have all gone to the other.   I feel I have not only lost my academic success and respect, but also my social stance.  I have lost the many close friendships I had, only to gain but a very few (though they are very dear to me). I don't know anyone anymore, and no one knows me.  Not any one person knows.
     Perhaps I should be as Invisible Man and be content with an uninspiring, unimportant, and unsuccessful life, but hubris is standing in the way of my change of heart and I just don't know how to overcome this hamartia yet.  I guess I have my whole life to figure out how to be content with the role of a background character; something I probably always was suppose to be.  That's what the Atonement is for, eh?  So for now, I will throw myself into the work of The Lord; let Him take the reins for a bit so I don't have to choose between myself and Him. I will become His tool and be glad to do the work laid for me, wherever it may lead.